Category: 2020

6-8 minute read.

My husband’s and my first anniversary is just a couple of days away. As I reminisce on our wedding day, and the first year of marriage we’ve enjoyed, I ponder with gratitude the process that led up to that unparalleled day.

I write this, knowing that many brides and grooms within the past year have had to seriously reconfigure their own wedding visions. Several of my friends have had the wedding they never dreamed of, making huge adjustments due to ever-changing restrictions, foregoing and grieving elements that were very important to them. Brides and grooms of this past year, I commend you. You have demonstrated a value in your sacrifice that is a worthy lesson to our culture: the prize of the wedding is the marriage, not the wedding itself.

Realizing this, I would like to share some reflections on some of the elements of our planning and wedding day that made it meaningful for us.

Our wedding was not a two-person show. I grew up being taught that God was interested and invested in every detail of a wedding that sought to honour Him. I also had the privilege of seeing my large extended family pull together and pull off some exceptionally beautiful weddings as aunties, uncles, and cousins gave their time and skills to make wedding dreams a reality.

So good community and prayer were the foundations of our planning process. My Mom had always encouraged me that God wanted to be involved in my wedding day, and that I could pray about every aspect of it. She often joined or led me in prayer during our engagement, pouring over all the details and asking God to provide. Sometimes this was super easy. At other times, it was more difficult and required laying down some assumptions and entitlements to allow the Holy Spirit to impart His peace and His vision for what our day could look like. Sometimes prayer resulted in a priority shift; in choosing to let go of one element in favour of another, or simply to keep within budget. I can say with full confidence that I don’t regret inviting the Lord into it; if anything, I would encourage my 23-year-old bride-to-be self to trust God even more than I did. Absolutely worth it.

We had been advised that our primary focus should not be the wedding day, but the marriage. For us, this partly meant looking for cost-effective ways to make the day happen so that we wouldn’t be limping financially later. I recall evaluating and re-evaluating our priorities throughout our engagement, discerning where we wanted to “splurge” a little, and where we were willing to make changes and save.

This is where our community was crucial. Being a part of a large church family, we were able to connect with people who were excited and willing to serve us. Some very essential and meaningful components of our wedding were gifted to us by people in our community. Our wedding invitations, live music, bridal hair and makeup, and most of the decor are a few of the areas where we were blessed by family and friends. Besides this, our bridal party, family, and some friends became the set-up and take-down committee, giving hours of their time to put all the pieces together and create a truly exquisite environment for our special day.

About a year and a half before us, friends of ours had gotten married and hosted a stand-up lunch reception instead of a full-scale dinner and dance. This was new to me, and certainly not my original ideal for my wedding day. As we considered how to keep our wedding within a budget, this concept became more appealing. We decided to use our church’s large foyer as a stand-up reception hall (which saved us BIG bucks on a separate reception venue). My Mom, who has an expert’s eye for decor and spacial arrangement, put her skills in action to create an atmosphere that balanced elegance with a casual living room feel. Fortunately, most of the church’s Christmas decor was still around, which added a festive ambiance to our decor.

With the help of my aunt and uncle, my parents scavenged and searched for every piece of decor. They actually made some of the pieces themselves, like rustic wooden crates, and a stunning winter scape painting that my Mom gifted to us. The results of their hard work were magical.

A professional wedding cake had never been one of my absolutes; probably because they’re expensive and I don’t like fondant. However, it just so happened that my lovely Mother-in-law was a professional cake decorator for many years. To my delight, she generously offered to make us a custom wedding cake! This cake became one of the most eye-catching features of our reception, embellished with pine cones and bits of fir. Not only was it a gorgeous cake, but it was delicious. Instead of being covered in sugary fondant, the whole cake was lathered in buttercream icing carved into spruce trees and mountains. This was an incredibly meaningful gift and beautiful addition to our wintery theme.

If I were to peg the most significant parts of my wedding, people would be in the top tier. As is evident above, nothing about our wedding would have been possible without the people who were involved. We looked for ways to include as many of our special people as we could. Besides our wedding party, we had friends and family help with decorating, sound and tech, ushering, transportation of decor pieces etc. Not only did they work to keep the bulk of the stress and labour off of me and Scott, but they were all-in celebrating with us on the day itself. So many of the people who attended our wedding had been praying for and supporting us leading up to and throughout our relationship. Sharing our day with them was a delight.

This takes me to my favourite formal part of our wedding day — the ceremony.
When I was a kid, I thought of the ceremony as the “boring part” that I had to sit through to get to the “fun part” (i.e. food and dancing). As I attended more weddings in my teens and earlier twenties, I realized that the ceremony is really the meat and potatoes of the wedding (pun intended). This is where a bride is given; where two lives are united in a sacred union that is created to last “till death do us part”. The vows are not witnessed only by friends and family, but by the Holy Trinity as He makes the two, one.

I believe that the ultimate purpose of a wedding ceremony is to reflect Jesus Christ and His relationship with the Church. I have been witness to several weddings that have showcased this in creative, profound ways, and it was our wish that Jesus would be highlighted in this event. As we brainstormed and selected the elements we wanted, we also started realizing the spiritual significance of this part of our wedding. Weddings are a big deal to God. Our ceremony was definitely seasoned with humour, and was full of joy; but it is a solemn thing to make a life-long commitment to another person.

One of the wonderful mysteries of being a Christian is that our joy is the fullest when Jesus Christ is made much of; and I feel that our wedding ceremony was amazing because we worshiped Jesus. I wouldn’t say it was flawless; but cherishing Christ, hearing the gospel clearly articulated, praising God, realizing that our wedding was just a taste of when Jesus comes for His Bride, the Church — this is what made our ceremony feel full and valuable and rich.

I am grateful for every step of the journey that planning our wedding and preparing for our marriage entailed. I am most grateful and amazed at how God continues to reveal more of His plan to us as we look back, and as we anticipate what is still to come.

Thanks for sharing in my reflections.

All photos taken by the lovely and talented Candace Flynn Photography.

(3-4 minutes)

This week will mark ten months of marriage to my husband. What a season it has been! Full of goodness, growth, laughter, conversations, learning curves of varying degrees, and so. much. grace.

To avoid a verbal dump of all the things, I’ll stick to ten aspects of first-year marriage (in no particular order) that have been significant to me.

1. It’s the little things. When he changes the laundry over ahead of me; or takes out the garbage; or leaves me a little note; or starts my car for me before work; or puts his hands on my shoulders while I’m doing devotions in the morning, signifying his agreement with me in prayer — these are the subtle aromas of romance and delight in every-day life. The little things also push my buttons. But I won’t give you a list of those. I know mine push his buttons too.
   
2. Solitude doesn’t mean “alone” as much as it used to. Many of my solitary practices are now conducted in the presence of another person. Even if he’s not in the same room as me, an apartment is a pretty up-close-and-personal space. Getting used to praying aloud, reading, journaling, or anything that used to be done in privacy, in the presence of another person — is an adjustment.
   
3. There’s so much to explore! And I’m not just talking sexually (although that’s a pretty significant realm of discovery). Exploring each other’s preferences, daily routines, hobbies, and communication styles has been both fun and challenging in the first few months. Even when exploration results in disagreement or tension, viewing it as an opportunity to learn has really enriched the journey thus far.
   
4. Intimacy takes work. Yes, even in the first year of being married. Perhaps especially in the first year. To be united with my husband — spirit, soul, and body — has implications and effects/affects that I simply could not anticipate prior to being married. And most of it has been very good.
   
5. Waiting was undoubtedly worth it. Not for a single moment do I regret waiting to be sexually intimate until marriage. I cannot stress enough how much joy and blessing has followed this obedience to God’s standard in scripture. I hope to write more on this topic down the road, so I’ll finish with this: in my experience, the sacrifice of sexual purity before marriage feels like a drop in the proverbial ocean of marital intimacy afterward. One thousand percent worth it.
   
6. Friends are important. We love hanging out with each other, but we do not fill every bucket in each other’s framework of social needs. We have made a point of continuing to cultivate our individual relationships with friends, and I believe it has greatly added to our health as a couple.
   
7. We are different... Goodness gracious, are we ever!
   
8. …and different is good! I feel like I have grown and expanded a lot as a person already! My interests have broadened, my husband has challenged me to pursue God in ways that I would’ve shied away from before, and I’m more relaxed about a lot of things than I used to be, to give you just a few examples.
   
9. We share the good and the bad. The perfectionist in me only wants to share the good. But it turns out that I can’t keep the bad under wraps for long; and the crazy truth is that he doesn’t want me to. Our individual and collective need for “grace upon grace” becomes clearer, and the gospel behind that promise sweeter, as we learn that we’re meant to see, love, forgive, be humble, and keep washing each other’s feet.
   
10. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” It’s more obvious to me now than it was on our wedding day how paramount that Third Strand is. Jesus Christ is a non-negotiable. I am beginning to grasp how God’s design for marriage simply cannot work unless Christ is the centre pillar of the union.

3 – 5 minute read.

Discouragement, congestion, and the discomfort of a less-than-ideal sleep were my companions upon waking this morning. I suppose the crash of just getting home from two weeks of vacation contributed to the feeling as well. Discouragement. A vague notion that the world is dismal and dreary. It has also been raining all day. I love a good pathetic fallacy when it suits my mood.

Five months of living in a coronavirus world feels very long. I find myself often reflecting on bygone days of not having to wear masks, exchanging friendly smiles with strangers as we pass on the sidewalk or in the grocery store, and going to church every weekend. That last one, especially, feels like a treasure lost. How I miss gathering with other believers in worship and hearing the Word.

I don’t like what Covid has done to our world. I am aghast at, and grieved by, the fear that has gripped our nation and our world. Millions of people are writhing helplessly in its clutches, clinging desperately to their health and possessions. And who can blame them? For so many people, physical health and material things are both the means and the end of their hope, happiness, and purpose for living.

Coronavirus should not be a political issue. But it is. It has the potential to be divisive at the base level of society — in our own homes and families. I perceive, however vaguely, the affect it has on groups of friends, on governments, on organizations and institutions. Church leadership are beset with the cumbersome responsibility of deciding how to shepherd their flocks. Scripture commands believers to submit to governing authorities, that our peaceable way of life would be a testimony of Christ (see Romans 13:1-7 and 1 Peter 2:13-17). But we’re also commanded not to forsake the gathering of believers; nor to fear man over God (see Hebrews 10:24-25, Acts 5:26-29, and 2 Timothy 1:7). Needless to say, the “right” answer seems very difficult to extrapolate at this time.

Stay with me. There’s light at the end of this tunnel.

While in the vortex of too many thoughts and several stirring emotions this morning, I turned on my playlist. The first two songs were well-known favourites of recent months. They’ve often ministered to me, and today again certain lines jumped out to confront my despairing frame of mind:

“Way Maker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the Darkness…”

Followed by:

“All my life You have been faithful;
All my life You have been so, so good…”

And then I was very quickly humbled as I pondered the reality of these words.
Friends, the coronavirus pandemic has not changed God.
His power has not been reduced. His light has not lost its radiance. His truth is not rendered a lie. All that has ever been true of Him in millenia past is true of Him still.

There is no telling exactly how long we will be required to wear masks and keep our distance from other people. God knows. But I find that it is vitally important for me to be mindful that God is still sovereign. However it may seem that covid has the world in its grip, nonetheless covid is subject to a good God. Charles Spurgeon said:
“God is too good to be unkind and He is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart.”

The Light still shines in the darkness. And the darkness does not comprehend it.

• Hyperlinks provided in the text.
• “Way Maker” by Leeland.
• “Goodness of God” by Jenn Johnson.
• Also check out John 1:4-5.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” 
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

I read a blog post today that reminded me of the necessity to look ahead — not back. I like to think of myself as a dreamer. There’s something wistful and romantic about it. But in these quiet Covid days, I often find my mind retreating to things of the past. I don’t know if wishful thinking is exactly the right term; but the dark fold of my romantic personality sometimes enjoys lingering on past hurts, past failures, almost romanticizing them. Sometimes, almost without realizing it, the faces and voices and conversations of the past resurrect themselves like shimmery apparitions. My adjusted view of the past almost makes those memories look shiny, even if they’re quite dull or ugly in reality. 

I want to look ahead. I want to take on the attitudes of Scripture. 

“Strength and honour are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.”
(Proverbs 31:25)

Other translations say that “she smiles [or laughs] at the future”. 
We are a people called to lay “the broken, irreversible past in [God’s] hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him” (Oswald Chambers). We are not called to look back with longing. Jesus actually said that the person who puts their hand to the plow and turns back is not fit for the kingdom of God (Luke 9:62). 

So what about dreams? Dreams past, dreams present, dreams broken? Dreams still to be realized? 

Certainly they have a place. Our imaginations were not an arbitrary ingredient when our Creator made us in His image. In fact, I think we are made to imagine and to dream. If what scripture says is true, then God is “able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” — doesn’t your imagination just start to go wild at that phrase? What could God not do? That is the rhetorical question. 

So this evening, as I’m enraptured by the moody rain-and-sun outside my patio doors, I am asking myself: what am I dreaming? What is the focus and the source of my dreams? 

If my past holds more allure for me than the prospects of my future, then I need to hit ‘reset’ on my framework. As my mom often used to say, “Our dreams should be greater than our memories.”

The term “homework” is commonly associated with being a student. It’s the leftovers of the day’s learning that still remain to be pondered, internalized, completed.
Perhaps one of the greatest victories of high school or university graduation is being able to say — “No more homework!”

What a humorous coincidence it is that, now, everybody has homework. We all have an overwhelming proverbial stack of learning tasks before us. Learning how to work from home. Learning how to teach remotely. For many families, learning how to balance work from home with schooling children at home. Learning how to live with spouses, siblings, children, parents 24/7 in the same space without losing it on each other.

Life has stopped.
But we haven’t stopped learning.
We haven’t stopped living.
On the contrary, I find there are daily opportunities to live more alive than I was living before…

Learning to have conversations where silence used to be preferred.
Learning to acknowledge rather than ignore.
Learning to repurpose, rediscover, refresh, redeem, reinvent, reconcile — time, hobbies, homes, space, relationships.
Learning to be content.
Learning to take a step back from consumerism.
Learning to see the blessings and mercies in what could be viewed as curses and torture.

Learning to be still.
Learning how to sit in quietness and the darkening glow of evening to watch the sun set.

You know. I think that is what I’m going to do now.

This is a post that certainly needs a photo of grocery store shelves completely devoid of toilet paper. Alas, I lacked the foresight to take a picture of this phenomenon the last time I was at the grocery store.
Nonetheless, I’m sure as you read through this post, you will have sufficient experience or imagination to picture in your mind the very things I am going to describe.

If your response to the following content is a knowing nod, or an outburst of laughter, it is likely that you are living through the oddities of the pandemic of 2020.

• You go to the grocery store to pick up a few basic items, and find that there is no toilet paper on the shelves. A few other staples you might find missing: sliced bread, non-perishable foods such as canned beans, instant noodles, Lysol wipes, common disinfectant products, paper towel, peanut butter, flour, sugar, and 2% milk.
  Note: Do not be alarmed! At this point in time, bread and peanut butter and 2% milk can easily be located in most grocery stores. There is no need for you to frantically stalk up on three years’ worth of any of these products. 
• You have a staff meeting at work in which everyone is comfortably seated two metres apart. You chalk it up to the recent trend of enlarged personal bubbles.
• You find yourself cleaning the parts of your house that would otherwise have been neglected for the next two years.
• You move ALL the books off the bookshelves, wipe each shelf, and reorganize your books either by author alphabetically, genre, or — if you’re feeling adventurous — colour coding!
• Your husband recently built an entire storage shelf unit in your garage, just to pass the time!
• You find yourself going to the grocery store every second day just to see if they’ve restocked toilet paper yet.
• You’re having Skype or Facebook calls with friends you haven’t spoken to in weeks, months, maybe even years — just to shoot the breeze and get someone else’s perspective on COVID-19.
• You bake bread, instead of buying it, because you have time!
• Despite the fact that you never thought you would homeschool your children, you find yourself in the throes (yes, for some it may seem like torture) of decoding curriculum and ordering homeschool resources!
• You try making homemade donuts for the first time ever.
• You feel like a bit of a rebel inviting a small group of friends over for board games and — wait for it — shared snacks!
• You see your federal leader routinely addressing the country every morning at 11:30, showing up on every major news channel.
• You’re watching the case count for COVID-19 in your area.
• You are hyper-aware of every sniff, sneeze, cough, temperature fluctuation, and ache in your body.
• Your daily hand-washing average is about 150, and climbing.
• Some of you have super dry skin for the first time in your life from constant washing.
• Spring cabin fever is more intense than ever before!
• All of your hobbies that have been metaphorically collecting dust are starting to make their way off the shelves of your life and find a place in your new routines.
• You start writing letters by hand. Washing before you write, of course.
• You are disinfecting your phone regularly.
• A day at a shopping mall feels like a distant memory.
• …
• Has anyone found toilet paper yet?

I’m sure this list is by no means exhaustive; but for those of us living in these unusual times, hopefully we are choosing to laugh at these oddities instead of cry. Hopefully we are pulling those dusty hobbies off the shelf and exercising creativity. Hopefully we are taking time to connect with people — whether that be the people who live in our homes with us, or those who are far away.
It is also my hope that we are respecting the new restrictions in place, knowing that it is honourable to submit to the government authorities over us. Hopefully we are praying daily for the revival of the church in North America. Hopefully we are looking with joyful anticipation to the One who saw all of this coming, and who is providentially allowing it to unfold.

And hopefully you haven’t run out of toilet paper.

Yesterday I walked into my classroom with no real concept of what kind of work lay before me. Monday kicked off with a brief staff meeting and the circulation of speculations among staff.

COVID-19.

It’s changed our lives. It’s changing the landscape of education; of families’ day-to-day experiences. It is not only affecting our privileged North American population. I keep hearing snippets of the surreal effects this super-virus is inflicting on communities all over the globe. A world-wide pandemic. Nobody alive today has seen anything like it.

It has been surreal to pack my students’ personal effects and school supplies into plastic bags. Hands covered in latex protection, skin dry and cracked from more soap-and-water washings than I would normally have done. Social distancing prohibiting the proximity we are accustomed to. Halls that are usually teeming with the vitality of children, eyes wide and cheeks glowing with enthusiasm — now quiet, save for the footsteps and voices of us adults. I know it will only be a matter of time before I miss solving the post-recess problems of snowballs thrown, forts being accidentally damaged by a careless foot, and temporarily disbanded friendships. I already miss their unrestrained excitement, the sparkly eyes that look up at me adoringly every day, the sincere hugs of affectionate 6- and 7-year-olds who know me as their teacher and a safe person.

That is just a snippet of the bitter side of this bittersweet unfolding of unchartered experiences.

Yes, there is a sweet side.
While some are closing their fists tightly and acting out in fear — and truly, the human side of us cannot blame them — I see a remnant rising up in generosity, faith, and hope. People who are usually running at the rat-race pace of a consumerist society are forced to slow . . . d o w n . . .
and to have conversations. To reach out to those who are fearful. To re-evaluate priorities. To embrace time with family, friends, spouses, children. To revisit hobbies that have been collecting dust on the back-burners of their overloaded commitment plates. To practice instructing our hearts in truth when the world and human feeling scream at us to panic, to close our fists, to succumb to fear.

But the word of the Lord says
Fear not. 

So as you begin to process your own thoughts and experiences of this season, be mindful:
For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven…

Where, or in whom, are you finding your purpose right now?