left with peace

Tears in my eyes9

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you.

So said the Savior. There were few who followed Him at that time. He was a threatening headache to the church leaders. He stirred up public mischief. I am sure the political higher-ups of His day were wearied of constantly hearing of this Man from Galilee who made such a fuss among those Jews. Jesus of Nazareth. A carpenter’s Son. Yet with astounding authority — even audacity — He taught, reprimanded, healed, forgave sins.

…Let not your heart be troubled…

Trouble. Anyone who has walked this earth for a measurable amount of time is acquainted with trouble in at least one of its many forms. He was well acquainted with trouble in all its forms. He even said to His disciples, “In the world you will have [trouble]…”
And yet He says, “Let not your heart be troubled…”

Once in a while, I believe the Holy Spirit brings to my conscious thought the idea of loss. Loss, I mean, in the sense of losing a dearly loved person to the formidable embrace of death.
How would I bear it? Would I continue trusting the One to whom death is subject? Would I lean on Him hopefully in the midst of unimaginable grief? Would I yet praise and adore Him?

Sometimes I romanticize the idea of loss. However, my experiences of it are very limited. And when I do think seriously of the possibility, and, indeed, reality of great loss, I am not eager to be acquainted with the depths of emotional, spiritual and physical grief that I have only heard and read about. The ache I experience in missing family and friends, who I know to be well and safe, occasionally evokes a physical reaction. Loss of appetite, sometimes a weighted feeling in my chest, tears etc. But I have never known the crippling pain of losing one of the persons nearest to my heart.

To then imagine — or attempt to imagine — the intense agony of Jesus as He died; His heart breaking for every soul on earth and every soul yet to be born, as His own blood was streaming on behalf of the ungrateful wretched people who so desperately need(ed) His salvation…
His heartache is incomparable with any other. It far surpasses the experience of any human being before or since. None could bear it as He did.
Bear it? It killed Him. He died with a broken heart over the sin of this world and the lost state of the people He loves so fathomlessly.

And then He arose. And He conquered it.
I praise God. Though my earthly vessel, and those of the sweet people whom I love so much, will see deterioration and death; yet we will be raised up. We will be resurrected in new bodies. Every saint in Christ Jesus, those who are unknown to me and those I love dearly, will have the joy of meeting again in glory. And we will see Him, face to face…

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

~ Isaiah 26:3 ~

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John 14:27, John 16:33

daring to ask

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Last semester, my piano professor frequently said to me, “Amy, you need to be more patient with yourself.”

I was caught in a cycle of discouragement, frustration, and negligence with piano. I was discouraged by the sloth-like pace at which I was progressing, and therefore had a hard time getting myself into the practice room. And when I finally did practice, I would become so frustrated with myself for making mistakes, then trying to correct them, but seemingly not making any fruitful progress. And this frustration was only increased by the fact that I knew my painfully slow progress was a result of me not practicing. But as discouragement did a number on me, I often went two or three days without getting to the keys. And so went the cycle: discouragement, therefore not practicing; not practicing, therefore frustration and more discouragement….
And my professor would tell me that I need to be patient with myself and with practicing.
But even in this digressive cycle, I still wanted to get better, and I still wanted to play. But I wanted to work on a passage once, fix it, and never have to work on it again. Why do I have to play two measures of a Bach two-part invention twenty times before I can actually get through it (almost) flawlessly? And then I would still have to go back to the piece the next day, and do that same passage twenty more times!

In a word: impatience.

*      *      *      *      *

My visit home has been immensely refreshing. I have had the time and space I often crave to pour into reading, writing, reflecting, and prayer (though I really never do enough of that last one). And amid this reflective study, one particular word has perpetually inserted itself in my pools of thought:

P A T I E N C E.

I have discovered, somewhat begrudgingly, that I greatly lack in this priceless virtue. If I examine the progression of my thoughts turning into ideas, and my ideas turning into actions, in light of patience, I find an embarrassing shortage. Instead, I would say that the majority of my decisions are made impulsively and hastily.

And so, I have come to a resolution for 2016.
And that is patience.
I am not expecting to execute this active virtue with expert precision and flawless performance right off the hop. Just as patience is required to learn a piece of music, to grow in patience will require patience (see the irony?). It will also require grace, diligence, and prayer. There will be stumbles and failures. Just like those darn two measures of a Bach invention, I will have to “practice” being patient, likely more than twenty times.
But Jesus says, “Ask….seek….knock…If you [know] how to give good gifts…how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”
So my thinking is: if God is able to do “exceedingly abundantly above what [I] ask or think”, surely then He is able to teach me patience.

2016 Challenge: Dare to ask God to do things in you that seem out of reach for you. {Nothing} is impossible with Him.

At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays…
But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future…
But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us…
Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

~ Oswald Chambers ~

Matthew 7:7 & 11; Ephesians 3:20, Mark 10:27

a reflection on the concealed life

DISCLAIMER: This is a bit of a long one.

The Spirit of God testifies to and confirms the simple, but almighty, security of the life that “is hidden with Christ in God”… “My peace I give to you…” — a peace which brings an unconstrained confidence and covers you completely, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. “…your life is hidden with Christ in God,” and the peace of Jesus Christ that cannot be disturbed has been imparted to you.

~ Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest ~
Referenced above: John 14:27 and Colossians 3:3

Version 2

It must be a strange concept to the world; a life that is hidden. Concealed, obscure, covert.
Withdrawn…
Difficult to perceive…
Indistinct to the senses….
Far from the public eye or important activities…
In concealment…
Sheltered in a hiding place…*

These are not incorrect definitions of the life “hidden with Christ in God.”

It is a life withdrawn. I do not mean that Christians by nature are hermits or completely dissociated with society (although certainly this is the case with some). But ours is a calling to be withdrawn from the world’s pattern for living. When Jesus prayed for His followers before His arrest — imagine that! The most holy Being, the Savior even of His captors, was arrested and condemned by men as a criminal! — He said,
“I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth…” (John 17:15-17).
We are supposed to be in this world — I mean, after all, here we are — but our hearts are supposed to be withdrawn from the world itself, and should be fixed on heavenly things; namely, on our Savior and His quickening return (Colossians 3:1-2).

Difficult to perceive? Yes, I think this is accurate. To anyone who is not a Christian — and even, I daresay, to many of us who call ourselves Christians — the life of a Christian is a difficult thing to understand. Think about it: We are supposed to willingly “lose” our lives for the sake of Jesus. We are supposed to love the people who would spit in our face and not lose a wink over our detriment (commonly known as our enemies). Jesus says that if someone slaps us in the face, we should offer him the option of slapping our other cheek as well. Oh, and did I mention? We are also supposed to die. It is no wonder that the world thinks Christians are lunatics! Everything we are supposed to do and be is completely counter-intuitive to the human nature! It is no surprise that Paul said that “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing…
…BUT” he continued, “to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18). Biblically speaking, our way of life should be pretty difficult to understand to the rest of the world.

This is also where “indistinct to the senses” comes in. The life of a Christian is a life of self-denial. Our human senses that crave and hunger and lust after anything and everything around them are surely quite taken aback when we begin to deny them. We see and we want. We smell, and we hunger. We hear and we listen harder. We touch, and we want to grasp.  We taste, and we indulge. How very foreign to our human nature is the principle of self-control. Yet this is a very crucial component to the Christian life (Galatians 5:22-23).

Far from the public eye or important activities. This is applicable in a specific way. Jesus was, in fact, frequently under the ever-curious eyes of the public, and He was also present at important events such as the Feast of Tabernacles, weddings, and funerals. Had He lived during our period, He likely would have had a fair bit of media publicity.
However, there was a vitally significant part of Jesus’ life that was kept very private. His forty-day temptation, for one. And He frequently got away from the crowds to commune with His Father in fervent, sometimes sweat-inducing prayer. We glimpse only tiny segments of these parts of Jesus’ life; He practiced what He preached:
“…when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who sees in secret…” (Matthew 6:6). Ministry is often a public thing; but there are elements of our walk with the Lord that are meant to be far removed from public places and activities.

I love the notion of my life being concealed and sheltered in a hiding place

A mighty Warrior rescues me from vicious predators in a blinding rainstorm. With His strong arms, He sweeps me up and covers me with His cloak. He carries me away to a cave, out of reach from the biting wind, stinging rain, and untold dangers. When He has settled me safely in His hiding place, He goes out to slay whatever threat remains. And upon His return, offers me a place with Him, to abide with Him and learn from Him in His secret dwelling place, always under His loving protection and watchful eye….

This is a tale that can be further elaborated. Perhaps you have a different preferred narrative. There are other ideas surrounding this notion of concealment in a secret hiding place. David said of the Lord,
“…in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.” (Psalm 27:5).
The psalmist of chapter 91 says,
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1).
This psalm is chalked full of vivid descriptors of the life of the one who abides in the shadow of the Almighty. It is a life that cannot be touched apart from the Keeper’s will. It is a life of fearlessness, implicit trust, and intimacy with the Most High.

We must often remind each other of what our life is { I N  C H R I S T }. These are not mere fantasies, illusions, or sentiments. These are actually fundamental components to our lives in Christ.
It is easy to forget what our lives are supposed to be if we are not daily renewing our minds in the truth. So remind yourself. Remind your spouse. Remind your children, sisters and brothers, friends…
Ours is a hidden life. A life concealed, set apart, and obscure to the fallen world around us. And it is bursting with heavenly wonder to behold if we will discover it…

Says the Lord, “Because you have set your love upon Me, therefore I will deliver you; I will set you on high, because you have known My name. You shall call upon Me, and I will answer you; I will be with you in trouble; I will deliver you and honor you. With long life I will satisfy you, and show you My salvation.”

~ A paraphrase of Psalm 91:14-16 ~

*Paraphrased definitions from Dictionary.com

for lack of an original title

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There is a unique peace to be found in coming home.
And when I say “home”, I do not mean that home is necessarily a place. Home will always be in a place, but it is not the place that makes it home.
No. When I say “home” I refer to the most precious people in my life. And in my case, home is more than one place, because the dearest people of my heart reside in more than one geographical location.
Now, I realize that not everyone would necessarily agree with this definition. But that is the beautiful thing about words like “home”. It is one of those that can be subjective to individual interpretation.

But I am home. I am in the home of my family. No matter which house this happens to be — and believe me, it has been many different “wooden boxes”, as my dad puts it — it is always home. Seven of the people dearest to my heart reside in this little-known town 1400 kilometres away from my other home.
But it is here, in the presence of my parents and siblings, that I find a rest and peacefulness that is unmatched by any I find elsewhere. Here I feel uniquely released to just live and let live. With each visit I am more overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for my family, for God’s grace in my family — which is increasingly evident to me — and for the privilege of belonging to these people. They love me in a way that I have never been and will never be loved by other human beings.
When I stop and think about it too much, I cannot help but tear up. What kind of tears? Gratitude. Love. Unworthiness. Joy, perhaps. A deep desire to cherish every moment, every smile, every laugh, every conversation, every hug, every word spoken in love. An equal desire to forget every word spoken in exasperation. An eagerness to serve, to shower love on these precious people as much as time and opportunity will allow. Fear of taking it for granted, of missing something, of blinking and finding it all to be over. It is almost as though I glimpse heaven when I am at home. It is so sweet, so overwhelmingly sweet, I cannot even pin a singular feeling that evokes such emotion. Fellowship, unconditional Christ-given love, manifested grace, joy, harmony, humility, servanthood, rest…oh, be still my soul.

I suppose I must be fair in admitting, it is not all golden streets and pearly gates one hundred percent of the time. Oh no. We have our spats, our disagreements, our tensions and misunderstandings, our wounds and regrets. Exhaustion and frustration have their place and time. We are, all of us, very imperfect, very broken people, and it is more evident the older we get and the longer we know each other.

I suppose it is the sweet presence of Christ in my home that overwhelms me. I mean, after all, “every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17). Truly, every good thing that makes my home a sweet place is a gift from our perfect Father.

But while I am on the subject of home…
I am reminded of another home that is mine. It is the place my Savior has gone to prepare for me. I am merely a sojourner in this world. But to fellowship in the Spirit and in truth with my brothers and sisters in Christ — regardless of where that is geographically — is always a foretaste of that heavenly dwelling place where my holy Father resides, and the Son Jesus Christ at His right hand.
The sweetness of this, my blessed earthly home, is an invitation to imagine just how much sweeter it will be to go home to glory with all the saints.

Do not let your heart be anxious. You have believed in your Father God. So believe Me, too. In His house there are many places to live. If this was not the case, I would have told you. I am going there to make a place ready for you. And the fact that I am doing this is a promise that I will come back again and take you home with Me, so that you can live with Me forever.
You know where I am going. And you know the Way….
Because { I  A M }
the Way, and the Truth, and the Life. And nobody can come to My Father unless they first come to Me.

Come to Me, every one of you who is weary and weighed down with heavy burdens. I will give you rest…

~ A paraphrase of John 14:1-4 & 6 and Matthew 11:28 ~

goodness

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My roommate and I spent a few hours “deep cleaning” our room today. It was abundantly satisfying to move furniture around, vacuum up dust bunnies, wipe down surfaces, re-arrange our spaces, and make everything feel fresh and clean. Washed sheets; old assignments and handouts from the semester thrown out; a clean floor floor (a big job on hands & knees, but so worth it!)….hmm, what a delightful feeling.

When I thoroughly clean a space, it reminds me of how the Holy Spirit comes into our lives and does a deep cleansing of our hearts & minds. And when He cleanses our interior lives, our exterior lives begin to reflect the purity of our hearts, and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

I am now a mere two days away from heading home for the holidays. One more final. A sense of accomplishment, a peace of mind and heart settling in as I anticipate a brief season of rest, rich fellowship with my family, and showering love on them in any way I may while I am at home.
I am grateful… For the abundant and very undeserved grace that my heavenly Father has showered upon me; for the grace, love and support of my dear roommates & friends over the past few months; for success in my courses; for a cleanliness; and now for the joyous opportunity to spend time with my family.

God is good, in all circumstances and challenges. He is good in hard things and in easy things. He is good in stress and in reprieve. He is good when my mind is anxious and when it is at peace. He is good in heartache and healing.
God is good. All the time.

As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

~ 2 Samuel 22:31 ~

winter walk

Version 2

I took a walk today. Just me. Well, and Jesus, of course.

Sometimes it takes a “lonely” walk to remember that Jesus is always with me. A lonely walk quiets my mind. To walk in silence, to only think, to listen to the sounds around me — the gentle breeze dancing in the leaves and making them shiver, birds chirping distantly (they like to praise even in the winter cold too), my boots click-clacking on the sidewalk — it brings peace to my heart in a way that the presence of people does not.

I love my quiet, pensive walks with Jesus. I can imagine Him walking beside me. When I do, He is always a quiet, gentle presence. There is no pressure to speak. Only the freedom to be.
Sometimes, even today, when I am walking in silence, I feel the need to fill the silence with something. Should I sing, should I pray aloud, should I be praying silently? But then, like today, I felt instead, “No, Amy, it’s alright. Just be.”

J U S T   B E

I am usually not good at just being. I always feel like I must do. But why not just be? I can do nothing for God that will make any difference in how He feels and thinks toward me. He saw me, died for me, loved me, called me by name before I even perceived His gentle call. I had nothing to bring to Him, no great gift or sacrifice, no great talent. I cannot come to Him and give Him anything that He needs, or anything that He does not already have. I come empty, destitute, and in need. And He receives me with open arms.

Grace is a beautiful thing, and something that I will never in this life understand. Grace is forgiveness. But it is also power. It is love, but it is also correction. It is the enabling ability to do
…but it is also the gift to simply be
…to be in Him.

Let Him be the { I  A M }
and just be His.

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
And seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

It is well with my soul

~ Bethel Music ~

unmetered poem

Version 2

Can You put to rest this restless heart?
Do You hear the silent screams, the unseen voice?
Does the molten lump within me sit unfelt, unseen, untouched by one so great as You?
Or do You see…feel…know…hear…?

The pictures roll before my mind’s eye
The image of a face much like my own
It screams and cries with painful flowing tears
Hoarse voice, but  does not know what words to say.

But another vision plays before my mind
One smaller, with a meek and quiet plea
Not boisterous and rude like the first
It is gentle, still, but throbbing with emotion.

This Other leaps for joy, but does so silently
It speaks in whispers, barely audible above it’s counterpart
“You know, dear one, that this is for your benefit
Don’t lose heart; He won’t be slack to finish what He started.”

Both weep and throb, and make their cases known
But different tears, different pulse, different words to speak
The one, distressed and fearful, anxious and unstable
The other, silent joy, tears of longing, courage and humble trust.

I know You see them both, in their strange and stark forms
You understand the pleas and cries of both, however opposing they are
It is all unveiled to You, none of it a mystery
You know the words to these songs with no lyrics.

Put to rest the one who feels tormented
Dry her tears and nourish her parched soul
And to the other, grant requests for peace and quiet
Show her that her trust is wisely placed in You.

I don’t see how or when or what You shall respond
But no doubt, Your Word is true and You listen
“Call…come…pray…trust…” are words You speak so often
And though my feelings waiver in the momentary battle,

My spirit knows that You will not fail me in the war.
Selah.

~ An original poem by Amy Noelle ~

His

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Sometimes I think, “Was I not created for something more? Is there not a greater purpose for my life? Surely God gave me (insert self-attested “gift” or talent here) for a reason….”

Well, were we not created just for Him?
Um, yes. Yes, we were.

Sometimes — no, often — I forget that I was not created for me. I was created for HIM. For His pleasure and enjoyment, for His glory, for His name to be lifted high, for His image and life to be expressed.

That means that every thing in my life — relationships, circumstances, opportunities, sufferings, sorrow, gifts, pain, challenges — all this, though it is all mine, is really all His and for Him.
Being in university right now is a door He opened. It is for His purposes to be fulfilled, though I do not know them. All the components of this season are to bring Him glory.
Singleness? Yes. Hard to swallow sometimes, but it is from Him and for Him. He can keep me all to Himself for as long as He wants to. He does not owe me an earthly romance. He has already bestowed a heavenly one upon me…with Himself. There is no greater romance. He is enough.
My family. Guess what? They belong to Him too. They are in His hands, His workmanship, His servants, His children. What happens to them, where they go, the things that they do…that is not in my hands. God will take them where He will, and that is His business.
My friends. They are a gift, but they are not mine to hold on to, should He choose to take them far away. I treasure them in the present, and trust God that whatever may happen, we shall see each other on the glory side of eternity.

This is an endlessly expansible topic. God created ALL things for His glory. Our beautiful earth, diminishing as it is, is an expression of His beauty. Our bodies are His temples. Our relationships with others are to be a reflection of Christ’s love.
We are a blessed people, not an entitled people. There is a big difference.

When I am tempted to think that God owes me some reward, I need to remind myself of this truth.

O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth, who have set Your glory above the heavens! When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him?

~ Psalm 8:1, 3-4

on obedience

Preface: This week I spoke at our student-led worship service on the topic of obedience. For weeks — even months — God has been pressing this on my heart, and challenging me deeply in it. The following is a revised copy of what I shared. If you are looking for a quick five-minute read, this is not the post for you. It will take between fifteen and twenty-five minutes to peruse this post. Should you dare to inhale its contents, I pray these words would be given wings by the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart. Blessings.

* * * * *

A very standard definition of the word ‘obey’; as defined by dictionary.com, means “to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of” another. I think there are different areas in each of our lives where we dislike the idea of obedience. For some of us it’s in relationship to our parents, to a teacher or professor, to a boss, to res rules, or to our provincial and national laws. But by nature, we want to be our own masters, and it often gets under our skin when somebody else tells us how to live our lives.

Whether we like it or not, we are all obeying something. In Romans 6:16 Paul says, ’Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?’ There are only ever two options when it comes to who your master is: you’re either obeying God, or you’re obeying sin. When we think we’re just doing what we want — or obeying our own desires — we’re actually being slaves to “self” or to the “flesh”, which is equated with sin in the Bible. Paul also tells us what our “wages” will be, depending on which master we choose to serve. In verse 23 he says, ‘For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ So we have a choice of whom we will serve; and based on that choice, we will receive either death or eternal life for our wages.

God has pretty strong opinions about our obedience. In 1 Samuel 15 God commanded King Saul to completely annihilate the Amalekite people and to destroy all of their possessions and livestock (vs. 2-3). However, Saul spared the the Amalekite king, and the best of the livestock for the Israelites to sacrifice to God. Now, from our perspective, this doesn’t seem so bad. Well, didn’t Saul obey God? He destroyed the Amalekites and all of their worthless possessions. From a human perspective, wouldn’t God perhaps be pleased to have the best of the livestock sacrificed to Him?

The very blunt answer to that questions is no. In verses 22-23 the prophet Samuel says to Saul, ’“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry…”’ Saul’s disobedience caused him to lose his throne, which would be later taken by David, and with it, he lost God’s favour.

God takes disobedience very seriously. Even with all of Israel’s laws involving sacrifices, God still valued complete obedience more than sacrifice. He gets right to the attitude behind the action when He says, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry…” Our failure to obey is equal to worshiping something or someone else — usually ourselves — instead of worshiping God.

Obedience is not only a matter of worship, but also a matter of trust. I’m sure you’re familiar with Proverbs 3:5-6; it says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.’ When Saul decided to keep the Amalekite king alive, and to spare all the best of the spoil, he was trusting in his own understanding. Part of obeying God is doing what He says when we can’t see what the outcome is going to be. Abraham had this kind of obedience. Hebrews 11:8 says that ‘By faith, Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.’ I think we’re often hesitant to obey God because He doesn’t show us what the consequences of our obedience will be. But the reality is that the outcome of our obedience is actually none of our business. We’re just supposed to trust God with it. One of my favourite authors, Oswald Chambers, said that “Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” If we have faith in God’s character, we will obey Him because we know that He won’t fail. Ps. 18:30 says, ‘As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.’ A huge part of obeying God is believing that what He says and what the Bible says about Him is absolutely true. If we really believe that ‘His way is perfect’ and that ‘He is a shield’ to everyone who trusts Him, then we have nothing to be afraid of in obeying Him.

So where do we look to see what this kind of obedience looks like? We have the perfect example in Jesus. Romans 5:19 says that because of Jesus’ obedience, we all have access to righteousness. Another familiar passage is Philippians 2:8; it says, ’And being found in appearance as a man, He [meaning Jesus] humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.’ Hebrews 5:8 says further, that ‘Though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.’ I think few of us would think of Jesus as someone who ‘learned’ obedience. We know that as the Son of God, He never sinned, which also means that He never disobeyed. But even still, His suffering taught Him obedience. In Luke 22, when Jesus is praying before He’s arrested, He prays, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” As He was praying, God actually sent an angel to strengthen Him. Then it says that ‘He prayed more earnestly’ and that His sweat turned into drops of blood. Even Jesus, being completely perfect and sinless, agonized over this act of obedience that was right in front of Him. But ultimately He put aside His own comfort and submitted to God’s will.

Can you imagine where we would be if Jesus had decided to disobey God’s command? Jesus’ willingness to obey, even when it meant intense suffering, is the reason why we get to have eternal life. And as His followers, we are called to the same kind of obedience as Jesus showed us in His lifetime. Our obedience is actually the proof that we give the world that we are followers and disciples of Jesus. 1 John 2:3-6 says, ‘Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk just as He walked.’ If we’re going to claim to know Jesus, we need to obey Him and live the way He did.

This whole concept of obedience seems pretty overwhelming. I find it pretty intimidating to look at this and try to wrap my head around it. To be honest, sometimes when I think about obedience, it seems like a burden. How am I ever supposed to reach this standard that Jesus set?

I can tell you right now, if you’re going to try being obedient so that you can earn favour with God, or to make Him love you more, you will find it a heavy and exhausting burden. I know that when I’m trying to do all the “right” things, I often feel dry, tired and discouraged inwardly. This attitude of, “If I don’t do this, if I forget to do that, if I don’t read my Bible every day, if I don’t pray for these ten things every day, if…etc. then God is going to be disappointed and won’t love me as much” — this puts all the weight on what I can do to make God proud of me or love me more.

We need to straighten out our perspective about this. God already loves us to His fullest, endless capacity. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less than He does right now. Titus 3 tells us that we have not been saved ‘by works of righteousness which we have done’ but only by Jesus’ mercy towards us. It says that God poured out the Holy Spirit on us ‘abundantly through Jesus Christ’. We’ve already been totally justified before God. No amount of good things that we do can justify us any further. It also says in 1 John 4:19 that ‘We love Him because He first loved us.’ If Jesus already loved us before we ever even knew Him, He will keep on loving us now. The point is, if we obey God to try to make Him love us more, we’re missing the point. Yes, obedience does bring God joy. But He doesn’t want us to obey just because we’re obligated. He wants us to obey because we love Him.

We can compare this to how we relate to our parents. I know growing up, initially obedience was something I did because I wanted to avoid getting disciplined. To me, disobedience equalled losing a toy, sitting in a corner, or a spanking, and early on I obeyed because I wanted to avoid these things. As I grew older, and even still, obedience has become less of a chore and more of a pleasure. I don’t obey my parents because I “have” to — and actually, I don’t “have” to obey them anymore — I obey them because I want to show that I love and respect them. And it goes even further than that. I know that when my parents give me a boundary or a guideline they do it because they love me, and want only the very best for me.

Learning to obey my parents is also a way that God teaches me why I need to obey Him. Initially looking into the Bible, the commands we’re given as Christians can come across as restrictive, just like parents’ rules can sometimes seem restrictive to us. But just like a loving parent, God gives us these boundaries because He loves us. When a parent tells a little child not to touch those shiny silver bars in front of that bright red light that seems to be producing warmth, the child doesn’t necessarily understand that mommy and daddy are telling him to keep his hands off because they don’t want him to get burned on the electric heater. To the kid, its a bright shiny warm thing, and he’s curious what it’ll feel like or do if he touches it. But parents know that as soon as he touches that metal, he’s going to burn his hands and it will hurt.

I know this is a bit of a cliche analogy, but it’s relevant. God gives us boundaries and commands because He wants to keep us away from what He knows is going to hurt and harm us. This is where that key trust factor comes in. Do we trust that what God is telling us is actually the very best, even if we do not see how disobeying Him could hurt us?

Back to the little kid analogy. When that little boy grows up, he will eventually realize that if you touch the metal on the front of an electric heater, it’s gonna hurt. Eventually he sees the value and protection in obeying that cautionary command his parents gave him.

This is kind of what happens as we get to know God and His commandments better. If we want to get past the “obey because I said so” stage, we need to get into the Bible and understand why God gives us these commandments. The more you dig, the more you are going to discover that He does it purely out of love. And as we realize this, the response of our hearts to His loving commands shouldn’t be one of obligation, but one of love and trust for our heavenly Father. When we obey Him, we can do so knowing that He has the very best plans for us, and that He is protecting us from harm and asking us to trust Him for something better than what we can see.

This isn’t to say that obedience is going to be easy. It’s not. But the more you get to know God and His heart, the more you are going to understand the love that is behind His commands. In the meantime, we just need to practice obedience because He is trustworthy. Sometimes it does feel like we are just doing it because it is the right thing; I don not always feel like reading my Bible or praying or staying away from something — whether it’s an inappropriate movie, a harmful activity, a toxic relationship, or anything that I know is not honouring God — but when my feelings are not propelling me forward, I need to choose to obey God out of knowing that His character to be good and faithful. When we consistently choose obedience, the action will work itself into our hearts, and we will find greater joy and fulfillment in obeying God than in disobeying Him.

One of the greatest parts of obedience is that we don’t have to try to do it on our own. One of my personal favourite passages is Hebrews 4:14-16: ‘Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.’ Later in Hebrews it says in chapter 13:5, ‘…For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”’ Don’t try to obey God out of your own strength or virtues. Go boldly to God and ask Him for help to obey, and then trust and believe that He will follow through.

grace & gratitude

~ T-H-A-N-K-S-G-I-V-I-N-G ~

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My mother has instilled in me a particular love for this holiday. It happens to be her favourite, and one that she always enjoys putting extra time into preparing for. With her decorative genius she tastefully embellishes our home with little autumn displays of pumpkins and gourds, specially selected leaves, and candles. Festive napkins appear on the table, richly coloured wines accompany our thanksgiving dinner, and leaf-shaped place matts add to the festive setting. She puts extra time into making each dish especially appetizing in appearance, cutting pretty shapes into the pie crusts, and using pretty bowls and platters to serve the main dishes. Her preparations are made with love, attention to detail, and a quiet satisfaction in creating a warm and elegant atmosphere for the enjoyment of everyone around her.

This has been an unusual Thanksgiving. For the third year in a row, I have been away from my family for this favourite holiday. Even at a distance, I vicariously enjoy the noisome, hearty family gatherings characterized by laughter, affection, warmth, delicious smells and all the little ones bustling around at our feet, bringing an extra touch of humour to the atmosphere of love, sharing, and gratitude. I can picture the traditional foods that taunt our senses with their alluring aromas. The gentle reflective attitudes of friends and family as we  take time to acknowledge all of our abundant blessings, and to give thanks and glory to the One from whom all good things have come.

Though still marked by some of these sentimental features, mine has been an especially introspective thanksgiving. Along with dearly missing my family, I have remembered the recent passing of a friend who would have celebrated his twentieth birthday on October 12th. I have processed some deep emotions and pain of my own that are quite fresh in my past. After what seems like a long period of putting intercession on the back burner, I have been reminded again of the need to pray for the needs and struggles and cares of my family in Christ. This is a practice that, once neglected, is difficult to pick up again. But oh! how life-giving to pour prayerfully into the lives of others! And I regretfully admit that it is not something I do often enough. And although it’s fruits are more abundant that I myself can harvest, I still have the privilege of receiving from them; relief from being too focused on me — and yes, to be self-absorbed is exhausting — a greater focus on my Lord, a deeper gratitude for His grace, the working of His love in me for others, and the peace and quiet joy that comes from just being with Him and pursuing oneness with Him.

In all trials, whether exterior and circumstantial or interior workings of the heart, the grace of God through Jesus Christ is a most wondrous gift.
For this I am thankful.