marriage – ten months

(3-4 minutes)

This week will mark ten months of marriage to my husband. What a season it has been! Full of goodness, growth, laughter, conversations, learning curves of varying degrees, and so. much. grace.

To avoid a verbal dump of all the things, I’ll stick to ten aspects of first-year marriage (in no particular order) that have been significant to me.

1. It’s the little things. When he changes the laundry over ahead of me; or takes out the garbage; or leaves me a little note; or starts my car for me before work; or puts his hands on my shoulders while I’m doing devotions in the morning, signifying his agreement with me in prayer — these are the subtle aromas of romance and delight in every-day life. The little things also push my buttons. But I won’t give you a list of those. I know mine push his buttons too.
   
2. Solitude doesn’t mean “alone” as much as it used to. Many of my solitary practices are now conducted in the presence of another person. Even if he’s not in the same room as me, an apartment is a pretty up-close-and-personal space. Getting used to praying aloud, reading, journaling, or anything that used to be done in privacy, in the presence of another person — is an adjustment.
   
3. There’s so much to explore! And I’m not just talking sexually (although that’s a pretty significant realm of discovery). Exploring each other’s preferences, daily routines, hobbies, and communication styles has been both fun and challenging in the first few months. Even when exploration results in disagreement or tension, viewing it as an opportunity to learn has really enriched the journey thus far.
   
4. Intimacy takes work. Yes, even in the first year of being married. Perhaps especially in the first year. To be united with my husband — spirit, soul, and body — has implications and effects/affects that I simply could not anticipate prior to being married. And most of it has been very good.
   
5. Waiting was undoubtedly worth it. Not for a single moment do I regret waiting to be sexually intimate until marriage. I cannot stress enough how much joy and blessing has followed this obedience to God’s standard in scripture. I hope to write more on this topic down the road, so I’ll finish with this: in my experience, the sacrifice of sexual purity before marriage feels like a drop in the proverbial ocean of marital intimacy afterward. One thousand percent worth it.
   
6. Friends are important. We love hanging out with each other, but we do not fill every bucket in each other’s framework of social needs. We have made a point of continuing to cultivate our individual relationships with friends, and I believe it has greatly added to our health as a couple.
   
7. We are different... Goodness gracious, are we ever!
   
8. …and different is good! I feel like I have grown and expanded a lot as a person already! My interests have broadened, my husband has challenged me to pursue God in ways that I would’ve shied away from before, and I’m more relaxed about a lot of things than I used to be, to give you just a few examples.
   
9. We share the good and the bad. The perfectionist in me only wants to share the good. But it turns out that I can’t keep the bad under wraps for long; and the crazy truth is that he doesn’t want me to. Our individual and collective need for “grace upon grace” becomes clearer, and the gospel behind that promise sweeter, as we learn that we’re meant to see, love, forgive, be humble, and keep washing each other’s feet.
   
10. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” It’s more obvious to me now than it was on our wedding day how paramount that Third Strand is. Jesus Christ is a non-negotiable. I am beginning to grasp how God’s design for marriage simply cannot work unless Christ is the centre pillar of the union.