c h o o s e

 Furrowed eyebrows. Befuddled silence fills the empty space of the car. As I drive, groggy tiredness that seems to have no logical source makes it hard to focus on the road.

Leaving my restaurant crowd mid-afternoon, I feel a surge of restless discontent as soon as I am gone from them.
Why? Why would I feel discontent after a morning of delighting in worshipping my Lord and hearing from the Word? Why would I feel discontent after a delicious lunch with friends, peppered by fun conversation?
Mr. Malcontent, from where do you hail on this sunny Sunday afternoon?

In my purposeful wanderings through grocery stores, I continue to feel this sense of dissatisfaction. As though I have an unmet expectation. As though there is some sense of disappointment, resulting in frustration.

My erranding lands me at home. Home. My sweet little basement suite, lately settled. Cool, yes, but cozy and inviting nonetheless, because it is my own. The warmth of this space that is an extended expression of myself and what I love is lost on me as I wander in with a fuzzy disgruntled mind.

As I shuffle about the kitchen, getting out the ingredients for fudge brownies, I begin to talk to myself internally. My brain’s dialogue goes something like this.
Ok, Amy. You have to choose. Shove off this discontentment and choose to be delighted. You can bake, listen to music, write, rest…
And as I begin to mix the chocolatey concoction, I settle into the realization that so much of my life is based on what I

{ c h o o s e }

A Sunday afternoon alone at home can elicit anxiety. How do I get through an afternoon alone?! It could be lonely, depressing, boring. Somehow the word “alone” and the concept embedded therein can have very negative implications for a single twenty-something girl on a Sunday afternoon.
However. If I choose, a solitary Sunday might also bode peace, rest, creativity, communion, productivity. After the end of a hectic school year and frenzied start to summer, this afternoon’s seeming emptiness can be a delightful opportunity. It is the kind of time that I have craved for months; time that is mine to cultivate however I

{ c h o o s e }

And quite suddenly, a scary empty Sunday turns into a time of rest and creativity, a time of reflection, a time of worship.
And now, at the real start of summer, I find the Lord is bringing me back to the age-old chapter of learning how to rest and reflect. How to constructively pass the time. How to delight in solitude.
What treasures are mine in the quiet, secluded company of God if I will only choose to receive them.